My Apology

A few of you are aware of another blog by your host in which I wax dire and desperate about our Plan A world and fantasize - more than a little - about my Plan B solutions to all things which stand to unravel.

In a recent post over there I commented on the near-nefarious actions of the Transportation Safety Administration. I stand by that post, but I must now also add this: on the whole I appreciate the job TSA is obliged to perform.

For example, how would you feel if the pudgy, balding Kansan (the one with the red shirt and swollen feet) trying to board Alaskan Airlines Flight 138 from Anchorage to Chicago was carrying not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR knives in his backpack??

Now mind you well, IF something like this were to happen (as extraordinarily hypothetical as it sounds) it would all be the result of a perfectly innocent souvenir orgy in the waning hours of his once-in-four-decades visit to the mightiest state in the Union. But such explanation, if it were offered to Federal Authorities, would still lack any persuasive force.

So, again still speaking hypothetically, I would like to thank TSA's Officer Schnickel for her grace and gentle certainty as she ushered me out of the screening area, returning my weapons to me only after I had crossed the Line of Demarcation separating bad passengers who may not fly from those good passengers who may. And then, from there, I'm gushing with gratitude to dear Ula (a name which looks and sounds a lot like "ulu" - a knife favored by Native Alaskans and tourists alike - which lies at the heart of the problem) of Alaska Airlines who resolved my peril by checking an additional bag and waving the customary $50 extortion fee for said overage.

So, in the theatre of my mind where only such extravagances are allowed to percolate, I am brimming with gratitude to the good men and women of the TSA who nip calamities in the bud and to the agents of AK AIR who help idiots work around their idiotry.

Thanks America, I heart you.